So in preparation for my upcoming trip to India I made a stop to the local Ekard Pharmacy after watching my 2 favorite kiddies. I had to drop off my prescription for my 180 pills of Malaria Medication...oh so exciting. As I entered the store, there was an elderly couple standing at the Medicare table; I stopped and stared for some reason. I stared some more, because the couple looked familiar. I soon had my “aha moment” and realized it was my across the street neighbors, Blanche and Jules, who I adore and who adore me. I went up to them to say hi and see how they were doing. Blanche asked me if I took the day off because I was in the store at 4:30 pm in my sweats. I told her the news and gave her a quick update about my life and how I am no longer teaching and that I am going to India in 17 days
After telling her this, she stares at me long and hard and exclaims "you are crazy, and your mother, is she letting you go?" I quickly respond, "I'm almost 27, my mom can't tell me what decisions to make, where I go and what I want to do with my life." She laughs and agrees saying that she forgot I was so old and remembers the days when I was 2 years old walking around her house playing and my grandpa would have to come over to get me so he would have a chance to play with me. She continues to engage in our conversation reminiscing and explained to me, "At your age I was already married with kids" then she questioned me "marriage and kids doesn't appeal to you?" I explained that if it happens it will happen when it is supposed to happen. The conversation soon came to an end and as we exchanged goodbyes she surprisingly told me that she admired me for going to India for so long. I thanked her and promised I will visit before I leave. I then proceeded to drop off my prescription.
I kind of think that it is weird for someone to first tell you that you are crazy for doing something then tell you that they admire you. It is a little odd to me, but I get it. I mean maybe I am crazy for uprooting myself and going to India for 5 1/2 months. These people that think I am crazy are in disbelief and shock that I am not looking for a new 9-5 job. These same people ask me how my mom feels about me going to India and are in shock that my mom is "letting" me go. These people that tell me all this are the same people that tell me they are proud of me and admire me.
All I know is that I want to feel loved and accepted for being me by the people that are supposed to care about me the most, no matter what I do. At the same time I am so grateful to have my Yandara girls, teachers, mentors and some friends to support me and love me for living the life that I am supposed to live.
"It's better to live your own dharma imperfectly than to live someone else's perfectly"
After telling her this, she stares at me long and hard and exclaims "you are crazy, and your mother, is she letting you go?" I quickly respond, "I'm almost 27, my mom can't tell me what decisions to make, where I go and what I want to do with my life." She laughs and agrees saying that she forgot I was so old and remembers the days when I was 2 years old walking around her house playing and my grandpa would have to come over to get me so he would have a chance to play with me. She continues to engage in our conversation reminiscing and explained to me, "At your age I was already married with kids" then she questioned me "marriage and kids doesn't appeal to you?" I explained that if it happens it will happen when it is supposed to happen. The conversation soon came to an end and as we exchanged goodbyes she surprisingly told me that she admired me for going to India for so long. I thanked her and promised I will visit before I leave. I then proceeded to drop off my prescription.
I kind of think that it is weird for someone to first tell you that you are crazy for doing something then tell you that they admire you. It is a little odd to me, but I get it. I mean maybe I am crazy for uprooting myself and going to India for 5 1/2 months. These people that think I am crazy are in disbelief and shock that I am not looking for a new 9-5 job. These same people ask me how my mom feels about me going to India and are in shock that my mom is "letting" me go. These people that tell me all this are the same people that tell me they are proud of me and admire me.
1. It is weird feeling for people to telling me that they admire me. I feel that I am not doing anything special. The only special thing that I feel that I am doing is being able to live my dharma and live the life that I am supposed to live, not live the life that I was expected to live.
2. I get why these people tell me that I am crazy. I do because if my friend left their posh career to travel and take a year, two or three off, I would think that they are out of their mind. I would also be secretly jealous of them for having the courage to go out and explore the world by themselves.
All I know is that I want to feel loved and accepted for being me by the people that are supposed to care about me the most, no matter what I do. At the same time I am so grateful to have my Yandara girls, teachers, mentors and some friends to support me and love me for living the life that I am supposed to live.
You'll be back in the high life again, all the doors that closed 1 time will open up again! You'll be back in the high life again. All the eyes that watched you once will smile and take you in. You will drink and dance with 1 hand free, let the world back into you. Oh, you would be a sight to see, back in the high life again."
ReplyDeleteyo, I am in the high life!
ReplyDeleteYou are not being crazy or weird. You are just trying to find yourself in this very depressed economic time where our government doesn;t care about its people anymore.
ReplyDeleteI think you are going through what I am STILL GOING THROUGH. My shitty experience was similar but in different ways. Figuring out what to do now and traveling to India to do more training for your passion, there is nothing wrong with that. Once someone has ACTUALLY walked and ACTUALLY EXPERIENCED what you went through, then they have NO REASON TO JUDGE.
When it comes to judgmental people who have no idea what you have gone through- it is best to ignore, let it go out one ear, not let it bother you and write about it. I have found that writing (especially blog writing) helps soothe the soul.