Distractions

Yesterday in yoga, one of the teacher assistants came to adjust me while I was in wheel posture, as they do everyday. The assistant happened to be one of my friends and he also adjusted me the day before where he guided me to walk my hands closer to the heels of my feet and to grasp my ankles.  Being able to catch my ankles is not new for me; I have done this other times while in Mysore. 

However, yesterday when my friend came to adjust me, I was not able to catch my ankles with his help.  He asked me what happened since he knew that I was able to.  I told him that I couldn’t catch my ankles because I am doing a cleanse.  I was dwelling on the fact that I was on a cleanse throughout my whole practice and I used it as an excuse.  He told me that he understood and left me to finish my practice. 

While walking home from practice, I realized that telling my friend that I wasn’t able to catch my heels because I was doing a cleanse was just a distraction from focusing on the present moment.  This morning, I did not dwell about being on a cleanse and was able to focus on my breath and task.  I magically was able to catch my ankles. 

 Accepting present moments, situations or events open us up to life thus making us limitless!

Om Shanti

The Greatest Gift

July 2010, I met a dear friend of mine at the botanical gardens.  I had just returned from my pilgrimage to Israel.  We spent the day talking about life and taking in the beauty of nature.  We watched the birds, bees and butterflies fly around, the people pass and couples take wedding pictures. I fell in love with the grounds as I felt so serine and peaceful.

My friend and I made a promise that at the age of thirty we would throw ourselves a joint birthday party for our thirtieth birthdays if we both remained unmarried as our date of birth are close together.

As my thirtieth birthday is around the corner, my friend and I both remain unmarried and we failed to fulfill our pact of having a birthday party at the gardens.  I deliberately neglected to remind her of our pact as I realized that I am already married and have always been married to myself.

I sit here today renewing my wedding vows as I do everyday.  I promise to cultivate compassion towards myself, promise to honor, respect and protect myself.  Most importantly I promise to love myself unconditionally and loving oneself unconditionally is the greatest gift of all.

Peace

As I am turning 30 in a week, I have reflecting about my 20’s.  Searching for peace has been a major theme for me during this decade of my life.  I travelled many places in order to find peace.  I prayed at the Western Wall, bathed in the Ganga River, studied in yoga ashrams, completed a 200 hour yoga teacher training and even moved to China.  Each experience and lesson led to more clarity and peace in my life.

I stopped my desperate search for peace a few years back and started to turn inwards as I learned that peace come from within.   However, I have been contemplating how to access the peace from within for a while.  I recently came to the realization that we are peace as it is our true essence.  It comforts me to know that we are already what we seek.

No Pain No Gain

I am happy to announce that I will be posting on my blog again as I was recently inspired to start writing again.  I first started this blog while in Mysore studying Ashtanga Yoga in 2011.  As I find myself in Mysore again, it is only natural that I start posting again.
 
I came to Mysore intending to focus on my meditation practice as I recently completed my third Vipassana Mediation Retreat. As I wanted to establish a more solid home practice, I committed to meditating two hours daily as my teacher Goenka states.  Even though I am not able to sit for the full hour and usually get up about 45 minutes into my sit, I am blessed to have only love and compassion for myself and do not get upset. 
 
As I been delving deeper into my meditation practice, I started to wonder if my asana (yoga postures) practice still had a place in my life because I feel as I am getting older my meditation practice is and will be a greater importance to me as I am able to connect to my true self on a deeper level.

Recently my asana practice has been becoming more intense.  I am expressing various asans in ways that I never dreamed that were possible. I have been finding myself resistant in going deeper into these postures as I have been experiencing pain.  At times I feel discouraged and even wonder if practicing is even worth the pain.

Well today after practice, I was blessed as I experienced a feeling of openness, gratitude and bliss.  I also realized that the pain that I am experiencing is not only physical, but it is also mental pain.  As my body begins to open up more, I feel that I am able to open up more to life and its subtleties.  Like everything, pain is ever changing and impermanent.  I know I am just experiencing growing pains, the pain will not last forever and that this will only leads to growth.  Being in Mysore has thus been an extremely rewarding process so far.

 

Om shanti

Believe

It is so comforting knowing that people still believe in this world. I have grown up witnessing many friends and family members growing up with a certain religion but not believing in it, having little to no faith. This left me disheartened, confused and feeling like an outcast. Growing up I loved my religion. I loved learning about my religion and celebrating holidays (but I despised going to temple). It baffled me that relatives and friends would say they are of a certain faith then say that they are not really of that faith. That left me with many questions, should I believe in G-d. or should I not. Should I just think what everyone else thinks so I wouldn't feel like an outsider or freak. I really didn't know what to think and I did not want to feel like an outsider, so I did what was easiest for me, I didn't think about it.

Years later I find myself in practicing yoga in India and while there I was invited to an idol installation. I was invited by my harmonium teacher.  She is an active member at the Krishna Temple in the town I live in. There were approximately one hundred or more devoted locals crammed in the temple enthusiastically partaking in the celebration and trying to get a glimpse of the rituals being preformed by the priests. What really amazed me was how all the members came because they wanted to. They were eager to participate and presently be there. It also amazed me that they still believed in something greater than themselves.

It was miraculous for me to participate in the special and joyous event. It was comforting to know that people still believe. It also strenghend my own intention to be connected to G-d and the universal oneness that we and all things share. It is a miracle that people still believe and a miracle that I still believe.

Cheap Girl

"Surrender." "Be yourself to discover yourself." These are two sayings that I hear a lot while practicing yoga in Mysore. One would think that I have made progress in surrendering and being myself therefore discovering myself. Well on a scale from 1-10, ten being the highest I would rate myself a big ZERO for surrendering and being myself in order to discover myself. That is quite upsetting to me. I still hold on to some old fears, patterns and desires.
 
I fear my future. I am petrified of it.  As I am unemployed, I fear spending money and I fear being poor. I desire to have money, and to know that I am financial stable by having a stable job. I once was told "money is energy that you put into the universe and it will return to you." Why can't I embrace that philosophy and stop being a cheap *ss. I am here in Mysore and trying to attempt to a monthly budget for fear I will spend all my money and go home to no income and money in my savings. One might say that it is good that you are staying on a budget, but another (probably a yogi) would say "Cara, practice nonattachment, you are to attached to money and the idea of that having money will make me happy, seek happiness from with in rather than seek it externally."

By having this realization I was able to surrender and be myself. I am now able to spend my money intentionally for my unique needs. I would like to give myself a pat on the back, because as I surrendered and let go of fears, I am on the road to progress, on my way to finding myself!

Tea For Two

Sometimes you realize how nonpresent and disconnected you are from yourself and the world when you experience brief moments of being in the present moment and feeling connected. When we feel connected to ourselves, to others and to the present moment, it feels amazing. It fills you up inside and fills every part of your being and soul. After we experience this feeling we want nothing less, and we develop an awareness of knowing when we are connected or disconnected from ourselves and the world. I fortunately had that experience, the miracle, of being present and connected to myself and the world.

One reason why traveled all the way to Mysore, India, was to study Ashtanga Yoga with one of the world's greatest yogis. I believe that by following the path of Ashtanga Yoga, the 8 limbs of yoga, I will gain the strength and courage to live in the present moment, to wake up to life, to wake up to myself and live in the present moment, and to open up to myself more.

Last July I traveled to Bali, Indonesia, to take a yoga teacher training course and I was blessed to have studied with the most amazing and genuine yogis and to train with the most sincere, hard working and dedicated teachers. These inspiring people helped me find happiness, they showed me how to live in the present moment and I was able to return home connected, open to life and the world. I felt happy, I looked happy and it felt pretty dam good! Unfortunately, this feeling slowly faded, and I slowly started to focus on other things rather than my yoga practice.

Yoga, union of body, mind and soul, is a hard practice. It is a 24/7 practice. One does not have to hang out for hours in handstand to be a yogi. To be a great yogi, one can be in a simple, easy position and as long as their body, mind and soul are united. That is yoga. Happiness radiates from the yogi as they are connected and they are open to life.

Yesterday, I was invited to my friends house for tea, and it turned out to be an invitation to open up to the present moment, feel connected, to be yoga. While spending time with my friend, there was a shift, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually in my body. I was able to soften and let down my guard. I felt calm and soft inside, my speech and thoughts slowed down. I was filled up inside. Full of presence, awareness and connection. I was connected to my movements, my actions, my thoughts, and my soul. I was happy, I was at peace and I was experiencing life as it was intended to be.

These moments makes me realize how much I tend to run away from the world, from myself and feelings by keeping my guard up. They also remind me that yoga is a practice, a hard practice and inspires me to keep true to ashtanga yoga, the 8 limbs, so I can experience moments like this more often.

Every moment is an opportunity to let down our guard that protects us, to practice yoga, to open up to the present moment, to open up life and to experience peace, happiness and bliss and share it with others.

"It doesn't matter where you are, as long as you are really there"