I am not going to lie. I am missing home today. I am missing my friends and missing my family. It could be because I am dealing with a bump in the road, it could be because I registered for another month at the shala or it can be due to the fact that I feel lost because I have no idea where I will be and have no idea what to do after the shala closes. As I feel an emptiness in my heart, I long to be able to see the smiling faces of my dear friends and family to give me a hug and comfort me. I long to be able to call them when I want and not wait to call them at a specific time.
The reason I am writing this is because I have been aware of the actions that led up to this feeling of emptiness. I am aware of my feelings of emptiness at the present moment, but as I most infamously do, I hide from my feelings because they are too hard to deal with, thus using unfavorable behaviors to cope with my unpleasant feelings. Even though I am disappointed that I have used behaviors that no longer serve me, I should celebrate the fact that I have cultivated an awareness that has allowed me to realize the fact that I am using certain behaviors to block the emotional pain that I am dealing with. As I work through another block in the road, the awareness that I have cultivated will give me the strength to let go my negative tendencies that I have used in the past to cope with unpleasant feelings. It will give me more strength to be able to sit, feel and experience my unpleasant emotions with similar situations in the future, thus making me a stronger, more connected individual.
Hi Cara,
ReplyDeleteKeep enjoying every day in that special place.
Have a Chai for me at Amruth.
"The reason I am writing this is because I have been aware of the actions that led up to this feeling of emptiness and aware of my feelings of emptiness at the present moment, but as I most infamously do, I am hide from my feelings because the are too hard to deal with, thus using unfavorable behaviors to cope with my unpleasant feelings." quoted by Yoga Girl.
DeleteI also feel the same way, more and more each day since 2012 started. Every day,things in this universe seem to gravitate me back towards teaching. Even though I am trying to pull away from it.